"Hey Girlfriend!" exclaimed a White colleague of mine in recognition of my presence. Interpersonally i cringed at the implication of the rhetoric she decided to use with me, but intrapersonally i paused allowing myself the time to digest what was taking place. What was she trying to disclose by using "girlfriend"? Would she have used “girlfriend” if i were White? Am i thinking too deeply about this? Should i just let it go? Unfortunately, i always choose the latter and spend time with my "homegirls" analyzing the rhetoric used by my White colleague.
When approaching this situation i am stuck in a paralyzing dichotomy. You see, i am intrigued with the manner by which people code-switch (switching from one language to another), more specifically, people who use African American Language (AAL) and switch to Standard American English (SAE). With that being said, i ask myself, is my White colleague attempting to switch her coded language from SAE to AAL in order to communicate with me on a level specific to my culture? I want to say "yes", but my gut interjects and yells, "hell no!" (that’s my gut talking as i do not verbalize cuss words - lol).
We must be sensitive to that "gut" suspicion that includes our particularity. It is obvious that this interaction impacted me. I begin thinking to myself, who says "girlfriend"? She couldn't have gotten it from me. I do not know, but i DO know that the sentiment i experienced when she exclaimed “hey girlfriend” is the same sentiment that i experience when i watch McDonald's commercials that insert Blacks into a narrative holding microphones, break dancing, and pop-locking. It is the same sentiment that i experienced when one of my White students attempted to give me "dap" on the first day of class (perhaps he attempts this gesture with every instructor-i highly doubt it). I felt like i was being mocked by a foreigner. I know many people who are not of African descent who speak AAL so that is not my concern. Conversely, this is about those (who are not native speakers of AAL) who piece together rhetoric from AAL to concoct a rhetoric they feel will translate, but who have not immersed themselves in the culture in order to understand its rules of linguistic politeness. What ends up happening then, is a caricaturization of AAL that signifies to the AAL speaking receiver, “STEREOTYPE PROJECTED ONTO YOU!" and/or "I'M NOT/I HAVEN'T BEEN WILLING TO IMMERSE MYSELF INTO YOUR CULTURE TO KNOW THE PROPER RHETORIC TO DISCLOSE." Usually when i see another colleague or friend of mine i exclaim, "hey" or "what's up" or "stranger danger" but never "Girlfriend" (except to signify some stereotype in order to laugh at the absurdity. And now probably after this note in order to signify the ignorance of those to AAL who use this verbiage for a laugh).
Girlfriend, is a term cultivated in the culture of Black (American) women to signify another (usually Black) woman who is a good friend with shared experience, time, sweat, and tears. A girlfriend is more than an associate, but someone that serves as a sister. Within Standard American English (SAE), girlfriend refers to the positionality of a woman to a man/or woman within a romantic relationship, but within African American Language (AAL) girlfriend indicates a romantic or platonic relationship. Girlfriend, within AAL is that person who has grown with you and allows you to be the person that you are...regardless. She wrestles with you. She challenges you. She makes you mad at times, but always seems to return in your life. If we are not girlfriends, you do NOT have the privilege to use this term under any circumstances; take the time to learn me in order that i may be your girlfriend or take the time to learn AAL in order to know when this term is appropriate.
Perhaps i'm the only one that faces this dilemma of White caricatures of Black Rhetoric (it doesn't have to be White specific, but in my condition it is Whites), but i don't think that i am. Girlfriend was only an example of this caricature of Black Rhetoric, i'm sure there are more. Please talk back to me. Has anyone else witnessed this or think that i really have it all wrong?
This is a complicated issue. It speaks as much to navigating multicultural friendships as it does to White caricatures of Black rhetoric. I think your follow up piece with a mock convo with a Middle Eastern friend nailed it. Sometimes in the Black to White comparisons people often harden their positions it becomes a polarizing force. It sounds like your acquaintance will not concede in order to save face…I’m sure from her POV that something as innocuous as saying “girlfriend” is not inflammatory. She no doubt has not had to endure such characterizations. Ultimately, these little indignities in characterization continue to mount until you begin to feel that you (The Black woman) are only seen as a collection of commercial vignettes designed to sell chicken nuggets. All any human being wants is to be seen as varied, complex, unique and special individuals not to be analyzed through the usurped images of the Black female…coopted in perpetuity by the media globalization machine!
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