You Just Don't Get It: Intention or Interpretation?

           I lost an associate…

           I thought my last blog would have been liberating and informative and in several ways it was, however some did not receive its objective.  Although accolades and affirmations were made concerning my last blog, “Hey Girlfriend!: White Caricatures of Black Rhetoric,” i received a plethora of inbox messages relating to the “intention” of my White colleague, which is understandable as i expressed that i had the same sentiment at first, but intentions are not the foci of concern. In contrast, does the intention of my White colleague have any relationship to my intrapersonal interpretation of her caricaturization of Black rhetoric?

            Let us put this conversation into context and enter into a mock dialogue with myself, Conā, a Black woman, and another colleague, Khaled, an Arab male:

Conā:               Hey Khaled how’s it going?

Khaled:            It’s going great Conā, I’m just reading the Bible.

Conā:               Oh, i was under the impression that all Ārăbs (The first “A” pronounced as a long “A” = eɪ, and the second “A” pronounced as a short “A” = æ) were Muslims.

Khaled:            That’s not true Conā. Also my ethnicity is pronounced Arabs (pronounced [ar-uh b]) NOT Ārăbs. The way that you articulated it is very offensive to me and my culture.

This mock conversation segues into the discourse on the relationship between intention and interpretation. I could respond to Khaled offering an elaborate explanation on how i did not intend to offend him or his culture and that this is simply the way that i say this particular word. Granted i may not have been aware that the pronunciation i used was offensive, but once Khaled disclosed his interpretation of my pronunciation i am made aware (or i should have been made aware). 

            Communication is not performed on intentions alone. If it were true that communication was performed based solely on intention, we would not need language at all; rather we would look deeply into each other’s eyes and make a transaction between intentions. In reality we must work together with language in order that our intentions are interpreted as closely as possible. If your “intention” is truly not to offend a culture through rhetorical malfeasance, once a person informs you about an offensive interpretation through language, immediately correct that rhetoric. Disclosing an “intention apology” does not change the harmful interpretation.

            In brief, I lost an associate. Why? I lost an associate because i interpreted blatant caricatures of Black rhetoric as impropriety instead of genuine intent.

Hey Girlfriend!: White Caricatures of Black Rhetoric

       "Hey Girlfriend!" exclaimed a White colleague of mine in recognition of my presence. Interpersonally i cringed at the implication of the rhetoric she decided to use with me, but intrapersonally i paused allowing myself the time to digest what was taking place. What was she trying to disclose by using "girlfriend"? Would she have used “girlfriend” if i were White? Am i thinking too deeply about this? Should i just let it go? Unfortunately, i always choose the latter and spend time with my "homegirls" analyzing the rhetoric used by my White colleague.
       When approaching this situation i am stuck in a paralyzing dichotomy. You see, i am intrigued with the manner by which people code-switch (switching from one language  to another), more specifically, people who use African American Language (AAL) and switch to Standard American English (SAE). With that being said, i ask myself, is my White colleague attempting to switch her coded language  from SAE to AAL in order to communicate with me on a level specific to my culture? I want to say "yes", but my gut interjects and yells, "hell no!" (that’s my gut talking as i do not verbalize cuss words - lol).
       We must be sensitive to that "gut" suspicion that includes our particularity. It is obvious that this interaction impacted me. I begin thinking to myself, who says "girlfriend"? She couldn't have gotten it from me.  I do not know, but i DO know that the sentiment i experienced when she exclaimed “hey girlfriend” is the same sentiment that i experience when i watch McDonald's commercials that insert Blacks into a narrative holding microphones, break dancing, and pop-locking.  It is the same sentiment that i experienced when one of my White students attempted to give me "dap" on the first day of class (perhaps he attempts this gesture with every instructor-i highly doubt it).  I felt like i was being mocked by a foreigner. I know many people who are not of African descent who speak AAL so that is not my concern. Conversely, this is about those (who are not native speakers of AAL) who piece together rhetoric from AAL to concoct a rhetoric they feel will translate, but who have not immersed themselves in the culture in order to understand its rules of linguistic politeness. What ends up happening then, is a caricaturization of AAL that signifies to the AAL speaking receiver, “STEREOTYPE PROJECTED ONTO YOU!" and/or "I'M NOT/I HAVEN'T BEEN WILLING TO IMMERSE MYSELF INTO YOUR CULTURE TO KNOW THE PROPER RHETORIC TO DISCLOSE." Usually when i see another colleague or friend of mine i exclaim, "hey" or "what's up" or "stranger danger" but never "Girlfriend" (except to signify some stereotype in order to laugh at the absurdity. And now probably after this note in order to signify the ignorance of those to AAL who use this verbiage for a laugh).
       Girlfriend, is a term cultivated in the culture of Black (American) women to signify another (usually Black) woman who is a good friend with shared experience, time, sweat, and tears. A girlfriend is more than an associate, but someone that serves as a sister. Within Standard American English (SAE), girlfriend refers to the positionality of a woman to a man/or woman within a romantic relationship, but within African American Language (AAL) girlfriend indicates a romantic or platonic relationship.  Girlfriend, within AAL is that person who has grown with you and allows you to be the person that you are...regardless.  She wrestles with you.  She challenges you. She makes you mad at times, but always seems to return in your life. If we are not girlfriends, you do NOT have the privilege to use this term under any circumstances; take the time to learn me in order that i may be your girlfriend or take the time to learn AAL in order to know when this term is appropriate.
       Perhaps i'm the only one that faces this dilemma of White caricatures of Black Rhetoric (it doesn't have to be White specific, but in my condition it is Whites), but i don't think that i am. Girlfriend was only an example of this caricature of Black Rhetoric, i'm sure there are more. Please talk back to me. Has anyone else witnessed this or think that i really have it all wrong?